Well I must admit I never thought the first step to Art school would actually be about 30 steps, ending with a Mistaken Identity, a fraud letter from the government, and trying to figure out how to rustle up $20,000 dollars..... Go figure.
So I get this email with the title “Important information from US government” and I almost deleted it because the last time I got an email that sounded like that, I opened it and all it was a busty naked chick wearing American flag panties. Don't you hate that when spam emails turn out to be porn.........yeah......sure you do. Anyway this “Us government” email was the real deal. And uncle Sam doesn't cut any corners on scare tactics. The first sentence read “You are in danger of being investigated for fraud of the US government Financial Assistance program”.......Did you just shit your pants? If you didn't, you're one step ahead of me in the dignity department, because that letter gave me the same feeling I would get when I was a kid. You Know the one when your parents yell your first, middle, and last name across the room and you just KNOW a spanking is inevitable, yeah that one. So after I read the email I realized I have been married for eight years, but I never legally changed my last name. Now, with that said, I have bought cars, houses, and even signed binding business contracts all under this assumed fraudulent name, with not even so much as a peep from the white house. But as soon as I wanted to borrow some money all of a sudden it's “ Whoa, wait a minute who are you, REALLY”. It's okay all I have to do is print out a bunch of social security documents, fill them out and send them in. Next thing you know I'll legally be the same person I've been for almost a decade. Except for one thing..... my printer is broke! I can't make this stuff up people........ well I'm off to bed now to dream of a day when the government doesn't make getting a student loan more difficult than cloning a baby goat!
